


Personal Matters

by vespirus



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-04 00:30:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10978605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vespirus/pseuds/vespirus
Summary: "I don’t like keeping secrets from the team but this is really personal and I don’t want things to go bad, and I’m planning on telling them all eventually since they’ll, y’know,notice, but I need it to be on my own terms and when I’m ready to, not because they sneaked a look at my medical records and confronted me or some shit.”





	1. Chapter 1

Malia opened the door with a smile.

“Chin’s not here right now, I could call him for you if you need,” she began, but Danny was already shaking his head.

“Nah, that’s okay. I’m not here for Chin. I’m actually, uh, here to talk to you.”

She let him in and they settled in the living room, sitting across from each other. She touched his hand comfortingly, though there was an undercurrent of polite confusion.

“What’s going on, Danny? Not that I’m not glad to see you, of course.”

“Nothing’s wrong! Everything’s fine, every _ one _ ’s fine. I just had something to talk to you about, with you being an esteemed medical professional and all. Nothing bad, don’t get that look. I’m perfectly healthy -- well as healthy as one can be when you work with McGarrett on a regular basis -- but that’s not what this is about. It’s just cosmetic. But it’s, ah, personal.”

Danny paused, rolling his shoulders and trying to unstick the words from his throat as Malia watched him with concern on her face.

“I’m.. Transgender. Like, female to male. And all that jazz. I’m getting top surgery soon. A mastectomy. In a few months. I’m not- I’m not  _ out _ to anyone here. Except my ex wife of course,” he made a face at the mention of her, trying to lighten the mood, “and I don’t really want to be convalescing with her and Stan for weeks on end. But I’m not out to anyone, no one on the team either, and I know they’ll be worried when I mention I’m going under the knife and all so I just… Wanted to ask a couple favors of you. When the time comes.”

He was staring at his hands, he stopped to brush them on his jeans, trying to wipe off the sweat, trying to calm his nerves. He had to do this.

“I don’t know if they will, but if they ask you to look into the medical records or ask around the hospital or something to find out what’s going on, could you just along with whatever I’ve told them? I don’t know what I’ll say yet, maybe like. Getting my appendix out or an ulcer or something. A little payback for all the times I’ve told Steve he’s gonna give me one,” he shot her a wry grin and she smiled back, a little watery.

“But whatever they think it is, just tell them it’s that. I don’t like keeping secrets from the team but this is really personal and I don’t want things to go bad, and I’m planning on telling them all eventually since they’ll, y’know,  _ notice, _ but I need it to be on my own terms and when I’m ready to, not because they sneaked a look at my medical records and confronted me or some shit.”

He twisted his fingers around and swallowed to try and combat the dryness of his throat.

“And along that line, I’ll need.. Someone to help me out while I recover from the surgery. I had a breast reduction a few years back and I remember I could barely get out of bed for almost a week. I don’t know if I’ll come out to the team before or after the surgery or what, so I wanted to ask if you could, uh. Ask around, find any nurses who would be willing to do some house calls, help me out. And not be.. Rude about it.”

He looked back up at her, scratching the back of his neck. She came around the table to sit next to him and put an arm around him.

“Of course. Anything you need.”

Her voice was soft, just like her eyes, as she brushed Danny’s jaw and gave him a meaningful look. Like she was trying to impress on him how much he could trust her with this. She pulled him into a sideways hug and he stiffened.

“I’m- Thank you for trusting me with this. I know we don’t know each other very well, and I’m honored you came to me with this. Thank you.”

He relaxed inch by inch, eventually wrapping an arm around her and pulling her in and hiding his face in her shoulder.

“I’ll ask around the hospital, I’m sure I’ll have some names for you within the week. I won’t tell anyone. This is yours to tell.”

Danny nodded blindly and huffed a “Thank you.” into her shoulder. They pulled apart but Malia kept a hand on his arm and was looking at him insistently.

“It’s your decision when to tell the others, but.. They’re good people. They’ll accept you. And if it helps, I know Kono has dated a couple girls in the past. I’m fairly sure one of them was transgender. Her and Chin were good about it, they’re kind people. I admit, I don’t know Steve very well, but he’s a good man. He trusts his team. He trusts  _ you _ . He’ll be good to you.”

She pressed a hand on his cheek at the end, trying to press in the point. He swallowed tightly and nodded.

“And if he’s not, Chin and Kono will set him right.” She gave him a half-smile and he huffed a laugh. He pulled a card from his pocket and handed it to her as he got up to leave.

“This is my number, you can call me about what you find out.” She nodded and led him to the door. He paused in the doorway and gave her one last squeeze.

“Thank you. You don’t know what this means to me.”

She squeezed his hand, didn’t comment on the tears welling up in both of their eyes, and watched him leave.


	2. Chapter 2

He caught her at the office while Chin and Steve were having another meeting with the governor about procedure and budgets. She was just finishing up her paperwork and Danny was on his way out after spending about twenty minutes psyching himself up to do this.

“Hey, Kono.”

“Danny.” She looked up with a grin. “What’s up?”

“Just wanted to see if you were free tonight. I wanted to drop by your place, talk about some stuff.”

“Yeah, sure,” she said easily but threw him a curious look. He sighed and leaned against the doorway.

“Grace is insisting on surfing, and I wanted to have a sit down with you and talk about what all lessons from you and possibly Steve would  _ entail _ . Don’t mention it to Steve though, I don’t want him getting his hopes up.”

She grinned mischievously. “Sure, brah. You won’t regret it.”

He half-smiled and left with the promise to come over at seven with beer.

 

He rapped on her door, shifting his grip on the six-pack he was carrying. She swung the door open and ushered him in, nabbing a bottle as he walked past her and got settled. She sat in a chair across from him and kicked up her feet, popping the cap off. She took a sip as he pulled out his own beer and sighed, bracing himself.

“I.. Before we get into it all, there’s a couple things I need to say. If I don’t get it out now then who knows when I’ll finally work up the courage to spit it all out.”

She gave him a look and leaned forward, focusing on him. He gulped.

“When, I was younger. I used to go to Wildwood every summer. I loved it. One year, I brought my best friend, Billy Selway, down with me. We were, uh. Really competitive. Kind of like me and Steve. Everything we did we tried to one-up each other. Sports, school.. Swimming. So we decided to race, right? And it’s all well and good, until I get caught in a riptide. A bad one. And he’s yelling at me that’s he’s coming for me and that it’ll be okay and shit and just --”

Danny chokes off. He takes a swig from his beer without looking at Kono.

“One second he’s there and then he’s -- gone. And I don’t see him again. Until, three days later. They find his body down the coast. Washed in by the tide. Dead.”

He pushes a hand through his hair, staring at the condensation clinging to the bottle in his hands. Kono’s silent.

“So. I don’t like the ocean. Because of that. And.. Yeah.”

He feels warmth at his side and Kono’s sitting on the couch next to him, leaning into him, looping her arm around his.

“I’m sorry, Danny.”

He nods and gulps down more beer.

“There’s another reason, too. Not really just swimming or the ocean or whatever but, uh. I always wear the button-down shirts and ties and all that, y’know, I mean of course you know all of you are constantly on my back about it but it’s not just me being an uptight haole, there’s. I don’t take off my shirt much. I don’t do v-necks or tank tops or what have you. And it’s not -- it’s not really a  _ style choice _ rather than a byproduct of-of-” He cuts himself off, scrubbing a hand down his face and hating himself and feeling like he’s about to throw up but he’s too close now, he has to say it. Just get it out there already.

“I-I’m trans. Transgender. FTM, fucking whatever. I have to wear a binder a-a chest compression thing all the time because I have fucking boobs and I hate it and I can’t take off my shirt because everyone would fucking  _ know _ and I wear all the professional clothes because somewhere in my head I feel like it’ll make me pass better. Like because I’m wearing a tie no one will see my chest or because I’m wearing slacks no one will notice I don’t have a fucking dick. And I’m sick of it and the binder makes my back hurt and I’m getting too damn old for this shit. I’m getting top surgery soon so I don’t have to deal with it anymore.”

He finally chances a look at Kono, and she’s there. All understanding and kindness and love. She slots herself into his side even more and pets his arm with her free hand. She meets his eyes and nods reverently and he can feel the relief slap him like saltwater spray and maybe he trembles, just a little. But he smiles, too. And she smiles back.

“I’ve been saving money up for a while, just waiting for the right time, y’know? Well, I guess you don’t know, but.” He lets out a shaky laugh and she puffs out one too. “I figured with all the running and jumping and acrobatics we get up to on a daily basis, sooner would be better than later. Don’t really wanna pass out in the middle of a gunfight because I had my binder on for 10 hours straight.” His mouth quirks up and she chuckles and brushes some hair back from his face.

“But I wanted to talk to you about it because, once I get the surgery done and I’m not confined to my bed and loopy on painkillers, I would be able to go out in the water. In public. Without a shirt and just board shorts and all that. I’ll probably have scars but, I mean, I’m a cop. I can just say it was something from the line of duty. And Grace really does seem bent on surfing lessons, so… Maybe I could try it out. For her.”

He falls silent, and feels more than sees Kono’s nod. She pulls him into a tight hug and he falls into it, clutching her shirt and she smiles into his neck. She sits back and gives him a mischievous grin.

“Well, now you know there’s no way for you to back out now. You’re coming surfing, whether you like it or not. And nothing’s gonna stop me from pulling you out there.”

He swallows thickly (partly fear, partly relief at how well this just went) and shakes his head smiling.


End file.
